technically the poison came first so its more a case of cookieing the poison than poisoning the cookies

j.r.r. tolkien was a stage name. short for jus rappin rhymes tolkien. real first name gary

got a tattoo! its chinese it says “[untranslatable fetish sex act] CHICAGO HOUSE MUSIC FOREVER”. its important so i got it on my face

it’s my birthday soon and as a treat i’m flying to paris to destroy jim morrison’s grave via controlled explosion

learnt “boxing” isnt the opposite of “unboxing” the hard way when i bought tickets to see floyd mayweather jr. return a samsung galaxy s5 to its packaging

live among wwe fans as research for political allegory. pro: added nuance to wrestlemania metaphor. con: politics no longer interesting

just finished 1st draft script of true detective s01e09 in which matthew mcconaughey & woody harrelson are magically replaced with benedict crimpbench & martin freeman. and guess what: there gay together

I sneak into the room just as they’re shutting the door. “This is a brainstorming session,” the guy standing at the front with the glasses says, “so there’s no bad ideas or wrong answers. Just keep ‘em coming.” Fine. No problem.

I raise my hand. “There’s a guy who lives upstairs from the Brazilian barbecue place who’ll burn off all your body hair for fifteen dollars”, I say. He hesitates a little before writing down “BACK TO BASICS SOLUTIONS -> DON’T OVERTHINK IT!!”

Some other lady calls out, “Get everyone on Google Docs so we can coordinate quantities in real time”.

I don’t want to be rude, but I think it’s important to get down the details. “Excuse me,” I tell him, “Above the Brazilian barbecue place in town. Fifteen dollars. I can draw you a map, if you like. I think his name is Juan. Or Jose. Or Carlos. Something real Mexican like that.” I wait until he’s written “BRAZ BBQ  - $15 - JUAN?” down and then say, “New point: drink water from the sea. It’s free, and there’s plenty of it!” I look around the room to see if anyone’s laughing, but they seem to still be absorbing the point I’ve made.

"It’s too salty…" some guy says. "Fine," I snap at him. "I guess you shouldn’t drink it." Probably should have tasted the water before I brought it up.

Next thing I know the glasses guy is all up in my grill like it’s a brainstorm about streamlining the invoicing system or some crap. “So there ARE wrong answers!” I point out, but he doesn’t even GET how hypocritical he’s being. What a narc.

there’s nothing new under the sun. but right up there over the sun theres a huge burning chunk of rock thats— well, it’s under the sun now. that was qui