you notice her across the room. a sexy lady whos also classy. as your eyes lock, a bit of paper lands in her eye and makes it go real bloodshot

every morning i eat a bowl of raw grains and farm dust as a powerful statement against the cultural tyranny of cereal

freak ouch, not free couch. there’s a freak ouch on the sidewalk. very weird and very painful. don’t go out on the sidewalk.

my bad boy t-shirt shows people i’m a bad boy who has no respect for anything except t-shirts which succinctly convey my essence

my review of ocean’s 13: too much casino bull shit not enough about all the problems that happened when they were trying to go to the moon

me at a secret assembly of the skull and bones society: the skull is actually a bone

networking tip: show people their opinion is important to you by looking them in the eye, yelling “yahoo” & firing your pistols in the air when they’re done

hey everyone. just wanted to say reverse racism is real & also my tanker ship full of seabirds just capsized into all this oil. please help.

art gallery???? buhh not for me. i like looking at the pictures on the food at the super market

behind every successful man is a cursed amulet and a mass grave of goat carcasses